


i’ll be your lighthouse (i’ll make it okay)

by chuuyaya



Category: FOG[电竞] - 漫漫何其多 | FOG[Diàn Jìng] - Màn Màn Hé Qí Duō
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, spoilers for the novel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27723197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chuuyaya/pseuds/chuuyaya
Summary: Shi Luo feels a cold metal around his finger, sliding in perfectly. The ring on the third box fits him just right. It was a plain silver band, neither too thick nor too thin with an elegant design that surprisingly fitted Shi Luo. “Didn’t I tell you? What others have, you can have too. I’ll give it to you.”Everything that Yu Sui promised, he had given.
Relationships: Shi Luo/Yu Sui (FOG)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	i’ll be your lighthouse (i’ll make it okay)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm in love with them. characterization is wack as usual because characterization and me mutually hate each other. unbetad and unedited we die like saint's entire team.

**i’ll be your lighthouse (i’ll make it okay)**

*

Ever since he was young, nobody had treated him the way Yu Sui did. His mother had left him behind to an idiot father who only thought of him as a chess piece. His grandfather didn't care about him. His aunt, uncle and cousin were wary of him and didn’t want to help him at all. In those years, Shi Luo never had someone to trust and no one to lean on. He didn’t dare to, if he wanted to survive. Only that, in all his preparation, he didn’t expect Yu Sui to barge in his life like he did. Only Yu Sui would dare.

He would dare bring Shi Luo into FS, even to the point of reducing his salary to do it.

He would dare play a position he hasn’t before, just for Shi Luo.

He would dare to drag Shi Luo across the country after winning the championship just for Shi Luo to take the college exam.

He was the only one who didn’t back off no matter how prickly Shi Luo’s heart was or how unfathomable his actions were.

He was the only one who confused Shi Luo to the point of going into madness. Maybe that’s why back then, for Shi Luo, Yu Sui’s presence was interesting. He didn’t harbor ill intentions and he was the one person Shi Luo couldn’t get a thorough read to. Instead, Yu Sui had been gentle, never once depriving Shi Luo of anything, coaxing Shi Luo even to the point where it became unimaginable, to the point where Shi Luo himself had acted like he possessed Yu Sui, like Yu Sui was—

His own.

It’s an unfamiliar concept, especially for someone like him. He had nothing to call as his own—not his mother, not his father, not his relatives, not his teammates and definitely not Yu Sui.

Yu Sui  _ wasn’t  _ his. Yu Sui was his own person.

But Shi Luo couldn’t forget the warmth of those hands, dragging him to the venue for the college exam. Shi Luo couldn’t forget the warmth in that gaze. No matter how hard he tried, he would always end up wanting to be with Yu Sui, to  _ have  _ Yu Sui.

At that time, even Shi Luo himself didn’t know why or what was the exact meaning of wanting to have Yu Sui.

All Shi Luo knew was that he, probably, wouldn’t be able to let go of Yu Sui, no matter what.

For it was Yu Sui who had given him the warmth that people talked about in the internet. It was Yu Sui who cared deeply for Shi Luo’s wellbeing, more than anyone in the world has. It was Yu Sui who never got angry, never tried to push Shi Luo away and never made Shi Luo feel like he was nothing more than a replacement.

For Shi Luo, Yu Sui had already been an unforgettable presence.

For a person who never tasted warmth, Yu Sui was like a grace falling from the heavens just for Shi Luo. Maybe that’s why Shi Luo was so reluctant and wanted nothing more than have Yu Sui’s attention on him, afraid that he was going to lose  _ this  _ warmth. Because a person who had seen the light never wants to go back down to the darkness.

Back then, Shi Luo was too naïve to think that everything would turn out fine. He had forgotten that for him, nothing turned out  _ fine _ . It was the reason he hardened his heart, the reason why he never wanted to trust anyone, the reason why Shi Luo never wanted to get close.

But Yu Sui—

Yu Sui was Shi Luo’s exception.

If it was for Yu Sui, no matter what, Shi Luo would come hell or high water.

But he never thought that Yu Sui wouldn’t even think of subjecting him to such difficulties. No, Yu Sui would rather leave Shi Luo behind than let Shi Luo go through adversity.

“Yu Sui,” Even he could feel his voice was hoarse but the words Yu Sui told him had muddled in his brain, unable to stop Shi Luo from thinking. “This wasn’t what you said before.”

He told Shi Luo he would never sell Shi Luo, that he’d sign him for life.

While Shi Luo was fruitlessly telling Yu Sui that he’d happily become a benchwarmer for Yu Sui, Yu Sui was out there trying to leave him behind to another team.

While Shi Luo was stupidly happy about following Yu Sui, Yu Sui was thinking of leaving him.

“Luo luo,” Shi Luo’s eyes reddened at the sudden nickname. Only Yu Sui. Only Yu Sui could call him that. Only Yu Sui would dare. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Don’t worry.”

_ I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. _

_ I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. _

_ I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. _

Shi Luo felt numb. How long has it been since he heard such empty words?

He couldn’t tell what Yu Sui was saying after that. He couldn’t differentiate the past from the present anymore.

People, no matter who they are, would always leave Shi Luo behind.

“It was 2009,” Shi Luo felt like he was underwater, like his voice wasn’t his own and he could only hear fragments as if he was drowning. “It was summer, around this time as well… I was nine years old.”

Back then, Shi Luo had been stupid and naively thought that his mother wouldn’t lie to him.

“My mom sent me to my father’s house.” Shi Luo couldn’t help but choke a sob. He doesn’t want to cry, he didn’t  _ want  _ to but the painful wounds of the past festers on his heart up until this day. He remembered it so clearly, vivid, like it had been yesterday. “I begged my mother. I didn’t want to go…”

Nine years old Shi Luo had barely reached her waist. She kneeled down, in order to look at little Shi Luo in the eye. That day was the first and last time he had begged for anything.

After all, why beg when they’re all just going to spout empty promises?

“She said, don’t say such childish things. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Don’t worry.”

Those words were a bomb to Shi Luo’s heart. All those years, all the pain he had endured, all the wounds that stabbed him in the heart, not once had he let those out. Not once did he complain. Since then, he told himself to harden his heart, to never trust anyone aside from himself.

But now—

Now that he was slowly opening up to someone, Yu Sui wanted to leave him behind.

It was happening all over again.

His mother. Yu Sui. In the end, everyone would leave him behind.

Was he so irreplaceable? So unlovable? So unworthy of anything at all?

“Last time, you told me it would only be for the summer. You had me waiting until now. But you got married and had a daughter. And me?! Now you’re making me wait for two years? How will it be like in two year? With your body like it is, will you be able to play for two years?! If you retire, then who am I going to look for?!”

Was he so worthless that everyone he trusted wanted nothing to do with him?

What was the purpose of his life then? Why. Why. Why Why Why Why  _ Why? _

“I’ll quit smoking, I’ll quit drinking, I…”

Wasn’t this just all empty promises in the end? Promises. Promises. Those didn’t mean anything to Shi Luo. Promises could be broken easily, just like his trust.

Shi Luo knew he was being unreasonable, knew that he’d probably hurt Yu Sui with his words but Yu Sui had always been gentle to Shi Luo, maybe. Just maybe, “If you dare send me to NSN, it doesn’t matter if you return after two years, I won’t look for you and even if you contact me, I won’t ever be teammates with you ever again!”

But  _ maybe _ was just Shi Luo’s wistful thinking. He got too spoiled with Yu Sui’s pampering. What Shi Luo wanted, Yu Sui would give him. Shi Luo thought that maybe it was the same this time too.

Yet, Yu Sui had thrown him away.

Just like that.

*

Shi Luo was someone who held a grudge and he held it deep. No matter who or how, if someone tries to fuck him over, he’d pay it tenfold.

Shi Luo should’ve known even after what he did, Yu Sui was the exception. He always was.

“Evil,” Gu Gan looks at him, consolingly. “He probably didn’t do that on purpose.”

Shi Luo smiled, helplessly. 34 times. He’d been recycled on the game 34 times and it was all because of Yu Sui.

“He probably don’t know it’s you…”

“Captain.” Shi Luo shakes his head. He doesn’t want to hear it anymore. He couldn’t help but glance at the statistics.

If Yu Sui knew that it was Shi Luo who he killed 34 times, even just for a second, would he feel distressed? Shi Luo knew this—whatever this was—wasn’t healthy and wasn’t good but Shi Luo had never pretended to be like Mother Theresa in the first place. If he couldn’t recognize Shi Luo, then after knowing Shi Luo was the medic he mercilessly killed over and over again, even for just a fraction of a second, would Yu Sui remember him?

34 times.

The ceiling for Medics to reach was quite high.

“Captain.” Shi Luo stared at the ceiling. He knew that he was being reckless but Shi Luo was a person who didn’t give a fuck about the consequences. If he decided on something, he would do it, no matter what. “I think you need to find a new medic.”

It was reckless and probably could blow up at Shi Luo’s face in the future but this self-destructive bomb was absolutely Shi Luo’s style.

When he switched to a striker, he already knew that NSN wouldn’t keep him. NSN already had too many strikers and they weren’t lacking another one, especially not one who recently switched from being a medic. IAC didn’t have the lively and harmonious atmosphere of NSN. They were purely a commercial team who didn’t care for it’s players as long as they were able to extract money. Shi Luo didn’t care.

He didn’t make any friends nor did he allow someone to get close.

The last time that happened, Shi Luo had been thrown away so easily, been killed so ruthlessly.

Just like after he realized that his mom had made empty promises, Shi Luo had once again, guarded his heart with shields and spikes.

He wouldn’t dare to let anyone close again.

But how could he forget? Right from the start, it was all for naught. The moment he heard Yu Sui come back, the shield in his heart had formed cracks, small cracks just enough to let Yu Sui in again. The guarded heart that grows weary but unable to take off it’s defenses, willingly lowers itself when it comes to Yu Sui.

Shi Luo was someone who, when provoked, would retaliate back. He wasn’t afraid of anything. He was more accustomed to the face of verbal abuse that’s why when Yu Sui treats him as gently as he did before—

It makes Shi Luo’s heart inevitably warm. He might go tit for tat when it comes to lashing out but in the face of gentleness, especially Yu Sui’s gentleness, Shi Luo could do nothing but submit. No, from the very beginning, when he saw Yu Sui again, he subconsciously  _ knew  _ he would willingly submit.

In front of Yu Sui, Shi Luo was willingly handing his heart out, willingly, irrevocably, unhesitatingly giving Yu Sui his heart to do what he wants with it.

And Yu Sui has done nothing but treat his heart gently, cradling it like it was a rare treasure, shielding it from any harm.

“You’re really…” Shi Luo can’t help but shake his head, lips quirking up.

Shi Luo stares at the renewal contract in the box. 10 million. Who else would offer such a huge amount? Only Yu Sui. Only he would dare. His Yu Sui.

His hand caresses the couple’s necklace on the second box. Thumbs the ring on the third box. Couldn’t help but quirk his lips on the limited edition keycaps on the fourth box.

“Yu Sui,” He couldn’t help but say, looking at the priceless gifts on every box. “You’re really throwing your money around?”

_ For me? _ The last words were stuck in the tip of his tongue. No matter how thick-skinned Shi Luo was, it was nothing when he was in front of Yu Sui. The hardened youth who was praised to have the highest psychological quality among his generation in the local region was nothing more than a stuttering mess in front of Yu Sui.

Yu Sui leans back on the table, watching Shi Luo intently. “It’s worth it.”

_ You’re worth it.  _ His words seem to say.

In front of this man, Shi Luo reverses back to his youth. When he thought he’d mature and had already thrown the words  _ trust _ out of the window, Yu Sui comes back to hurl it right back, treasuring it on his fingertips.

In front of this man who treasures him so much, Shi Luo didn’t have to put his guard up like he did for the past two years. He didn’t have to put a distance between them and guard his very soul because undoubtedly, Yu Sui would take care of him no matter what.

In front of this man, who does nothing but treasure Shi Luo, who looks at Shi Luo like he’s a marvel, who touches Shi Luo like he’s trying to worship the gods, Shi Luo can’t help but tremble.

The tenth box is unsurprisingly where the written official document is along with a folded note. Hands trembling slightly, he opens the note and stares at the words, feeling his heart constrict at the warmth that flows as he stares at Yu Sui’s handwriting.

_ I love you. _

_ Shi Luo, Yu Sui loves you very much. _

On Yu Sui’s phone, the exact words are posted on his Weibo.

This man, really.

Shi Luo’s hand haven’t stopped trembling as he stares at the familiar handwriting with Yu Sui’s words. How long has it been since he last heard someone say that he was loved? How long has it been since he felt like he was worthy? How long has it been since he felt this secure?  _ No, _ has he ever felt this secure? Has he ever felt this loved?

“Shi Luo,” Yu Sui gathers him up in his arms, kissing him in the forehead. He feels Yu Sui caress his arm lightly before his hand touches Shi Luo’s, intertwining their fingers together. “Luo luo.”

Shi Luo already knew he had fallen in love with this man to the point of no return but why does it feel like he’s falling even deeper until he could no longer stand?

Yu Sui plays with his fingers. Shi Luo can’t help but close his eyes, savoring the feeling of Yu Sui’s lips on his and Yu Sui’s warmth against his. His other hand clutches the note, unable to let it go.

“Baby.” He says and Shi Luo feels a cold metal around his finger, sliding in perfectly. The ring on the third box fits him just right. It was a plain silver band, neither too thick nor too thin with an elegant design that surprisingly fitted Shi Luo. “Didn’t I tell you? What others have, you can have too. I’ll give it to you.”

Everything that Yu Sui promised, he had given.

Once, Shi Luo told himself not to believe in any promises because those were nothing more than empty words but with Yu Sui, those words were like an oath.

“Really can’t fall in love with anybody else anymore.” Shi Luo mutters to himself, helpless.

How could he when Yu Sui was already the best?

Unable to stop the fondness that seeps through his very being when he thinks about Yu Sui, Shi Luo puts the note down, pulling his other hand away from Yu Sui’s, opting to circle it on Yu Sui’s neck, bringing him closer.

_ I love you. I love you. I love you. _

Shi Luo wants to shout it out, wants the whole world to know but for now, he settles on placing his lips on Yu Sui’s, conveying the words he wanted to say.

He licks Yu Sui’s lips, taking advantage of the fact that Yu Sui was probably surprised at his active participation. He maps Yu Sui’s mouth, trying to place a trace of him on Yu Sui. He kisses him until he’s no longer able to, until they're both breathless, until Yu Sui can no longer remember anything but Shi Luo’s mouth on his. He wants, wants,  _ wants _ Yu Sui.

“Luo luo…” Yu Sui’s voice was hoarse and he was panting as they separate. His hands were on Shi Luo’s waist, softly caressing, making Shi Luo’s knees feel weak.

Yu Sui takes advantage of his height to nip Shi Luo’s earlobe, his warm breath sending shivers down to Shi Luo’s very being. “Baby…”

Slag man Yu really makes one’s soul tremble with just his voice.

His voice was a mere whisper but Shi Luo could hear it clearly amidst the sound of his heart beating like a drum against his chest, amidst the feeling of Yu Sui’s warmth against his, amidst the intoxicating kiss that follows. Words that Shi Luo would engrave in his soul, “I love you.”

He gently kisses Shi Luo’s cheek. On his left. Then his right. Kisses Shi Luo’s nose before kissing him on his eyelids. He kisses him on his forehead too.

After falling in love with Yu Sui, how could Shi Luo bear to fall in love with someone else?

“I love you.” He whispers, against Shi Luo’s lips before closing the distance between them.

Shi Luo caresses Yu Sui’s nape, unable to stop himself from staring at him. This was the face that thousands of girls would yearn for and yet—here he was, hugging and kissing him.

Shi Luo drops his head on Yu Sui’s shoulders, buryiny his head on the crook of Yu Sui’s neck. “Yu Sui.”

Yu Sui gently thumbs the skin on his waist. “Hmm?”

Grasping the edge of Yu Sui’s clothes, he whispers. “I love you.”

The hand on his waist stops for moments before it continues yet Shi Luo could clearly feel that Yu Sui had been affected by his words. He could clearly hear the calmness Yu Sui normally has slowly breaking.

“Shi Luo.”

“Can’t,” Shi Luo replies, shaking his head when he feels Yu Sui tug him gently. “Yu Shen, I’ll admit defeat this time so let me hide my face a little longer, okay?”

Yu Sui’s chest vibrates with laughter, the sound close and breathless on Shi Luo’s ear. Yu Sui gently removes Shi Luo’s other hand before he kisses the finger which has the ring. “Okay, what you want, you’ll get.”

“What if I want…” Shi Luo whispers, his voice growing softer and softer until it felt like a mere touch of the wind.

Yu Sui’s caresses stops. His hand ventures down to the helm of Shi Luo’s clothes, lifting it up without much difficulty. “Like I said, what you want, you’ll get.”

Yu Sui kisses him on both of his hands. “What you want, I’ll give it to you.”

Later, Shi Luo couldn’t help but post on his side account.

_I love you._ He writes as he stares at Yu Sui’s sleeping face. Shi Luo couldn’t help the smile that escapes from his lips as he stares at the ring on his finger. _Yu Sui, Shi Luo loves you very much._

(When Shi Luo arrives downstairs, the only person awake aside from the cleaning aunts was Puppy. It wasn’t unusual but he had been one of the main culprits last night and probably the biggest contributor to those empty wine bottles.

“You’re broadcasting again?”

Puppy sighs. He looks worse for wear, probably with a hangover and little sleep. “I have to finish my broadcasting quota. I don’t have a boyfriend to do it for me.”

Shi Luo rolls his eyes at him. Those jabs, unlike before, doesn’t affect him that much anymore. Since FS, Chen Huo and Puppy have both been teasing him anyways and they were teammates. Shi Luo lets it slide.

~~ Of course it’s absolutely not due to Puppy’s video message for him during the quarterfinals.  _ Absolutely not. _ ~~

“Ah, the moment you appeared my broadcasting room soared,” Puppy sighs feigning helplessness. “Shi Shen, wave at the camera for me? I need to feed myself since I don’t have a boyfriend who does the live broadcast for me.”

Shi Luo raises a brow at him but he was in a good mood so he waves a hand at the camera. The moment Puppy’s eyes widens, he remembers that he was wearing the ring Yu Sui gave him last night.

“Shit. Yu Shen proposed?!”

Shi Luo’s cheeks redden, looking away. It’s not that Yu Sui proposed but…

“Fuck!” Puppy cursed again. “Couldn’t you wait for two months? I just lost a bet against Wawa. Wawa!”

“A bet?”

“Oh, didn’t you know? Almost everyone in the e-sports circle was betting on when you guys would tie the knot. Angel Sword, ROD, Old Gu Gan…”

Shi Luo’s mouth opens in surprise before he makes a mental note of pairing up with Yu Sui and killing those people when they come across them.

When Shi Luo tells Yu Sui, he laughs. “Alright. Whatever you want, Luo luo.”)

**Author's Note:**

> come yell about shi luo and yu sui at me on twitter: shiraryous


End file.
